I sat at the gates of Kyiv on my rocking chair as the Russians approached. Volodymyr Zelenskyy approaches me he says:
"Comrade! A 3 mile long Russian Convoy is but 5 kilometers from Kyiv! Take these 10,000 AK 47s or you will surely dies!"
"No," I say, "the ghost of Kyiv will save me."
And he left.
2 weeks pass. A group of Ukrainian freedom fighters approach me. They say:
"Comrade! A great Russian convoy 17 miles long is but 5 kilometers away from Kyiv. Take these molotov cocktails or you will surely die!"
"No," I say, "the ghost of Kyiv will save me."
And they left.
2 more weeks pass. NATO appears. They say to me:
"Comrade! The Russian convoy is 40 miles long! It is but 5 kilometers from Kyiv! Take this bayraktar or you will surely die!"
"No," I say, "the ghost of Kyiv will save me."
And they left.

6 more weeks pass since then. At last, the Russians appear, pushing their tanks slowly across the border of Kyiv as they were all out of gas. Emaciated, they collapse in front of me and ask for boloney sandwich.
And then... I shit you not the Ghost of Kyiv shows up and blows them all up!
I fall on my knees, bowing to this great man.
"Thank you!" I say. "But why did you not save me sooner, Ghost of Kyiv."
The ghost of Kyiv looks me in the eyes and he speaks words I will never forget.
"Comrade! I sent you 10,000 AK 47s, boxes of molotov cocktails and a fucking bayraktar."
He slapped me and that was the last time I saw the ghost of Kyiv.

Let this be a lesson to you all! We all have hope that the ghost of Kyiv will save us but so often he gives us the tools to save ourselves.