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Sexuality


Safe space for LGTBTQ and Allies, and any discussions of kinks, sexual experiences, and musings. Absolutely no shaming allowed!

I am trans

Posted 10 Months ago by galbraith

This is something that I've had a ton of issues with for years but which I have not been able to directly address until now. Finally being able to be straightforward with things that I was more preoccupied with, understanding my sexual orientation and how I think about relationships, developing better tools for introspection, and generally gaining more knowledge and more allies to support me has helped clear the way to resolving this massive contradiction that I have been carrying around for a long, long time.

I do not feel comfortable or satisfied with the body that I have, because I feel that some things are missing or just wrong.

Some ways in which I act "mannish" in order to obtain what I perceived as benefits of "manliness" are just that - a performance, not something that I do naturally.

There are aspects of myself that I can not fulfill or even really acknowledge with the gender expression that I have lived most of my life with.

The way that I interact with others as informed by the normative gender representations and gender-based narratives that I am surrounded by is unfulfilling to the point of feeling dishonest.

Part of recognizing what is happening with me depended on dismissing ideas about the gender binary - ideas that I would have thought that I would have disposed of years ago, which prevented me from viscerally understanding that I do not have to be a woman or a man in order to be trans.

(I am non-binary. My pronouns are they/them.)

The narratives which I have learned and which I have been telling myself for years are falling apart like a house of cards, now that I have resolved the central contradiction. As a result, I have not been having a great time emotionally. However, this has also provided relief, and has cleared away obstacles to experiencing deeper compassion and understanding of other queer people. Because even though I am still reeling from finally grasping the fundamental nature of my gender and sexuality issues, and even though I have a lot of work ahead of me, I remember and recognize that I am in a far more feasible position than many, many other people who are still struggling.

As a result, this experience will make me a stronger, better person. I hope to help create a better world for others who might be experiencing something similar.

There are 17 Replies


I'm glad you feel more aligned with who you actually are, rather than who society expects you to be. This kind of thing is a long process of unlearning and retrofitting different parts of your personality and experiences. I can't claim to know anything about being trans specifically, but I support your decisions towards self-honesty and openness.

As a result, I have not been having a great time emotionally.


If you need any help during this process (emotional or otherwise), my discord is open:

Xhin#7868

10 Months ago
Xhin
Sky's the limit

i don't have much experience with this, so i'm not really in a place to offer any great wisdom or anything, but i'd just like to say you have all of my love and support! <3

10 Months ago
poptart!
 

Thank you for sharing this with us, galbraith!

I think it's great that you're exploring your identity, gender, sexuality, and trying to discover who you are.
This seems like a strong first step towards your personal empowerment and growth.

I'm happy for you and find this your post to be a possible beacon of inspiration and support for anyone else struggling with finding themselves and feeling like they're being "forced" to conform to society's pre-determined gender roles. I hope you continue to stay true to yourself. Feel free to continue sharing your journey with us. <3

¤¤♅êîrÐ Øccu®@n瀤¤

10 Months ago
Weird Occurance

...well, congrats! Soul-searching is hard, and inertia is a harsh mistress. Even if it may not feel like it right now, I know you're a strong person...and it's OK to not feel like it all the time, especially right now. The first step is, uhh, as they say, a doozy.

10 Months ago
flying (b)aeris

Good luck with the journey that you still got ahead of you and of course, what you gained of realization of yourself so far.

¤LðŗРУŋįd@¤

10 Months ago
Lord Denida

Already said as much elsewhere but good luck with this hope you find happiness.

10 Months ago
Grey Echelon

Thank you all so much. It really does move me to have this amount of acceptance. Some of you have known of my questioning along this line a bit more previously than others, and I appreciate the support and understanding that you continue to show me. Others are not as familiar to my situation, but I feel just as thankful that you show the utmost grace in expressing your acceptance.

10 Months ago
galbraith

Congrats on figuring some of this stuff out. I know that doesn't in itself make things innately better, but it also sometimes feel like half the battle is just understanding it. You'll have to fly a trans flag with one of those "Come and Get It" AR-15 flag logos on it. That'd probably confuse a lot of your neighbors.

10 Months ago
Jet Presto

I've been having a hard time. I am grieving for the person that I was, I am afraid of what the future might hold, and I am having to process/resolve/discard a huge amount of unhelpful beliefs that I've held.

All of these things, I know, are better for me in the long run, and will lead to clearer thought. And, to a certain extent, I realize that who I am as a person is more fundamental than what my gender identity is. It is still hard to deal with.

I have been working very hard to affirm myself, manage my hopes and fears, and learn more about what transitioning is going to mean for me. Because I'm non-binary, some of this is easier, some of this is more complicated. I'm still reeling, but the support of my partner and the support of people from this community has been a huge help. So, thank you all.

10 Months ago
galbraith

Sorry for only seeing this now.

Really happy for you with all the progress you keep making on learning more about yourself, improve yourself, becoming more comfortable with who you are and generally just working hard at being the best version of you that you can be :)

10 Months ago
Moonray

@Moonray:

Thank you so much! No worries about not seeing it immediately - no-one has to be here for me constantly, though I do really appreciate it when people are.

10 Months ago
galbraith

First dose of estradiol today (11/10/2021).

I'm not super sentimental about anniversaries or birthdays or anything like that, but I absolutely understand the importance that many trans people put on the date of their coming out/beginning transition/adopting a new name/etc. This is something that I want to remember.

10 Months ago
galbraith

1/18/2022: today, my name change was granted.

7 Months ago
galbraith

Happy Name Day!
Did you pick a NameParent (sort of like a godparent) or some NameSiblings to “stand up” with you, or, are you going to try to be more prosaic about it?

….

In some places, times, and peoples, most everybody celebrates their nameday, rather than their birthday.

It seems to me in Roman Catholic countries most days have an average of four saints names attached; typically (I’m guessing) two men and two women, also two fixed feast and two moveable feast.
Anyway a Polish woman I once met told me that Poland was one of those countries where it was bad luck to deny your child the name of the saint upon whose day they were born, or christened, or confirmed, or some other significant event.
So all the girls named Anna partied and were celebrated on St. Anna’s Day.

Anyway, I think it makes sense for someone to celebrate their nameday.

Do you want to keep your new name private from us, or are you willing to tell us?

I should celebrate July 3 or Dec 21 or Oct 6. Those are all St Thomas’s Day according to various Christian churches. Then I could have three nameday a year!
OTOH I’m already planning to celebrate my 70th on Feb 6. That’s Saint Paul Suzuki’s Day, among many other saints.

My own transitions haven’t been as drastic as yours, nor as voluntary.
I transitioned from married to divorced twice.
I transitioned from being a custodial father to not having any rights if anybody wanted to deny them.
I transitioned from employee to unemployable.

I didn’t like any of them; yet still I can’t imagine these, which I didn’t want and fought against, could possibly have been as hard on me (even all taken together) as yours, which you very much wanted and had to fight for!

I have made a couple other transitions that I sort of chose and weren’t so much hard as “not as easy as I expected”.
One was from Texan to Michigander.
The other was from Methodist to atheist.

7 Months ago
chiarizio
 

Happy Name Day!


Thank you!

Did you pick a NameParent (sort of like a godparent) or some NameSiblings to “stand up” with you, or, are you going to try to be more prosaic about it?


There are some people that I think of as being comrades that closely share experiences like mine, and who I find personally inspiring, but I did not go into this with a specific idea like "name-siblings".

Do you want to keep your new name private from us, or are you willing to tell us?


I would prefer to not post it here, sorry :(

I didn’t like any of them; yet still I can’t imagine these, which I didn’t want and fought against, could possibly have been as hard on me (even all taken together) as yours, which you very much wanted and had to fight for!


I don't know about that. I appreciate the care with which you approach my experiences, but we all have struggles and the experiences that they come with do not invalidate or trivialize the experiences of others. I'm not sure how we would quantify how hard on either of us our experiences are in the first place.

7 Months ago
galbraith

@Galbraith
You wrote:
…. we all have struggles and the experiences that they come with do not invalidate or trivialize the experiences of others. I'm not sure how we would quantify how hard on either of us our experiences are in the first place.


I think that’s right; and well-said. I guess it sometimes slips my mind.

7 Months ago
chiarizio
 

Estradiol valerate treatments have put me through the wringer, physically and emotionally. My body took to it so well that my estrogen levels went above the acceptable range while my testosterone levels dropped to the lower end of what would be considered normal range for a cisgender woman. We have lowered my dosage accordingly, which should reduce the incidence of mood swings (and which will make my supply last longer, therefore costing me less money).

I wasn't expecting my hormone therapy to work too well, but that is what happened.

6 Months ago
galbraith

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