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Life is too fucking short. Live your life. Don't waste it.

Posted Over 1 Year ago by ShadowFox08

My dad has been given 3 months to live. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor back in May of last year and had noticable symptoms in April such as lack of appetite, memory loss, disorientation and throwing up.

He has detoriated rapidly since 10 months ago. He was initially diagnosed with a grade 3 brain tumor, but it's been upgraded to multi forme glioblastoma. He also had multiple complications along the way such as a stroke and an infection that won't go away. He has dealt with a lot, but he's been a trooper(like weid man and many others).

Never in my life have I wished an after life existedore than now, because my dad deserves it. But I feel nothing. I feel even more irreligious and come to terms of what will happen.I wish I could turn back the time and have the tumor removed earlier. i wish I spent more time with him before as well. But I can't. Life is too short. If your parents/family/friends have been good to your spend as much time as you can with them. Nobody lives forever. When you are dealing with a close friend or family member who is dealing with terminal illness, it really does change you, and you see now how fragile we are.

and finally... take care of yourself. Emotionally and physically. Don't be stubborn. Go to your yearly and semi annual dentist and Dr physical check ups. If something feels wrong, let doctors know asap. You could save your life or someone elses. Some cancers you won't know until it's too late.

There are 41 Replies


;( I'm sorry for you, man. Lost my mother to cancer last year. It'll suck a lot before it gets better. But it does get better.

Over 1 Year ago
mariomguy

Damn, rough time for parents. My dad has stopped his cancer treatment at this point and is in hospice, and while there's no certainty on anything, he's deteriorated so much that it's really hard to imagine him being around for more than a couple months, at best. It definitely sucks. I almost imagine it's a little easier when it happens in like, a car crash or something completely unexpected. But maybe it's not. There's no good way or time to go.

Over 1 Year ago
Jet Presto

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Over 1 Year ago
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I hate y'all's pain. I'm sorry you're all going through it.

I was the only witness to my abusive, alcoholic father's death when I was 6. I grew up knowing 1) no one knows how long they have, and 2) the people who love you can be very very bad for you even when they are trying their best.

So, we're all fucked up and we're none of us guaranteed to get many years on this plane of existence.

Still it took me waaay too long to learn to just BE ME. To find my own weird way through life instead of living vicariously through other people's supposed-tos. Therapy really really helped, wish I had started it decades earlier.

March 26 I will start to live longer than my father ever did. He was 43 when he died. I'mma live my life AND part of the one he couldn't live. 💙💜

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

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Over 1 Year ago
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i'm not sure i'd ever get back up form something like that don't even know what i'll do when iethe rof my parents dies.

Over 1 Year ago
tnu

Just keep swimming just keep (...annnd sashimi)🤣


Bfrt I found that as long as anybody gave/gives a shit about me I could/can mostly resist my suicidal stuff enough to know I can't put them through that. So I keep on swimming. Plus weird stuff like life getting better really can and does happen.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

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Over 1 Year ago
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If your parents/family/friends have been good to your spend as much time as you can with them.

Very true words. I recognized this myself a few years ago when I moved out. Realized I should take care of my mother since she put up with all my dumb shit when I was younger, lol.

I imagine you will still have some time to work with your dad; go for it if you can as I am sure he'll appreciate it.

My father actually passed away this last year. The fucked up thing is we don't know how he passed (let alone when). The only way we (we = my mother and I) knew about this was a letter from the Social Security Administrator stating they were sorry our loss (and that my father had passed).

We weren't really on good terms when we stopped talking to each other, but I did still feel said because, ya know, he was my father.

Over 1 Year ago
Forte Lambardi

CZM you are wonderful. I've always felt protective of my GT fam and so I really appreciate hearing that sorta thing aimed back at me. (Did you go by a different name back in the day?)

Solike I don't have a discord account yet but I've been itchin to create one. Mostly bc of the idea of the chance to actually talk with GT folx (I met Stonemage/Winterborn but otherwise eets a meestery). I will try to wrap my head around yet another kind of communication soon. Probably starting around 2 weeks from now (a lot is going on).

But I will take you up on that kind offer!

Forte Lambdo, fistibumps and interhugs. Family is complicated shit.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

Sorry to hear that, shadowfox. I've been in the "dad is slowly deteriorating" boat too. That kind of experience definitely changes you. I don't really have anything more to add -- it sucks and stays painful for a while, but you eventually get somewhat numb to it.

And yeah, life is way too short. Whatever you want to accomplish, do it now or it'll never happen.

Bfrt I found that as long as anybody gave/gives a shit about me I could/can mostly resist my suicidal stuff enough to know I can't put them through that. So I keep on swimming. Plus weird stuff like life getting better really can and does happen.


Life can get better, or sometimes you get better instead. I definitely understand the struggle though -- I was depressed for a long long time. Mine seems to have been mostly dietary, as dumb as that sounds -- if my magnesium ever goes low it comes right back. I'm not saying that's what's going on with you, just that it's probably the same kind of thing where your brain is playing tricks on you and you feel some particular unadjective that isn't supported by reality.

Over 1 Year ago
Xhin
Sky's the limit

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Over 1 Year ago
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thank you all! I really appreciate the kind words. I know it's a gloomy time for everyone, and there are many people out there that didn't have good relationships with their parents.. I was lucky enough to have great parents.. Buti took my parents for granted. We didn't have a ton in a common, but even though hobby wise we didn't, my dad would always try to talk to me, even if his way was repeating the same advice. I wish I treated him better, was more patient, spent more time with him and didn't keep my door closed to him.

you really never know who is going to live or die next day or year. be safe guys and spend time with your lived ones

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

Forte Lambdo, fistibumps and interhugs. Family is complicated shit.

Yes it is...sometimes I wish it wasn't, lol. Bonus points for how many ways someone can re-arrange my last name.

Also, I'd be pretty nice to see you around in Discord if you do wind up getting into it. Would be nice to see you in the GT Discord.

thank you all! I really appreciate the kind words. I know it's a gloomy time for everyone, and there are many people out there that didn't have good relationships with their parents

I think it's just one of those things that unless you had real close ties to your folks you naturally will drift away. I've kept a close relationship with my mother just because we were close (my brother, mother, and I). My father...not so much. I also have other friends who are not close with their family too much, too.

I think Tek already hit on another point, also. I think so long as someone gives two shits about us it's still reassuring given that it's easy for people to not care about others.

Over 1 Year ago
Forte Lambardi

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Over 1 Year ago
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I've never had a bad relationship with any of my family, but losing a few of them and seeing others get sick is always depressing with a splash of existential crisis.

Over 1 Year ago
I killed Mufasa
long live the king

Thanks for the kind words S.O.H and anyone else I missed.

Some cancers are down right scary and you don't notice anything/have no symptoms til lits too late. A year ago before my dad got diagnosed, I do remember my dad starting to forget things and was more moody. If only I diagnosed it back then it was likely low grade.


I'm so scared of getting cancer myself now too. Also..recently, My dentist noticed white and red patches on my cheeks and referred me to an orotho surgeon for a biopsy. It's two weeks out from now and its like the week after I start a new job. smh.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

You always hear people say, "Live every day like it's your last." But I really think it's more, "Live every day like it's your loved ones' last."

I wonder if it's even possible to not feel guilty or regret. I've known my dad was dying for months, and we've all literally tried to spend as much time and be as patient and accommodating as possible. We all know it's coming and are acting like it. And yet, I already know that when he finally does die, I'm still going to feel like there was more.

Over 1 Year ago
Jet Presto

Annnd my uncle just died. Like an hour ago.

I was gonna go visit him when things settled and immunocompromised folx are safer. I've been putting it off for years bc life. Well his ended. Shit.

(Def not seeking pity, just trying to add to the Carpe Canum vibe er w/e)

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

Oh damn. It just occurred to me that I'm the oldest man in my family now. At 43.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

I wonder if it's even possible to not feel guilty or regret. I've known my dad was dying for months, and we've all literally tried to spend as much time and be as patient and accommodating as possible. We all know it's coming and are acting like it. And yet, I already know that when he finally does die, I'm still going to feel like there was more.

I'm really sorry to hear that Jet. My dad just started hospice today actually. His health started rapidly detoriating out of nowhere two days ago. His speech, comprehension, and he can't even walk anymore on his own. He has a lot of anxiety and it takes at least two people to take care of him. I don't see how he can last more than a month tbqh. We are thinking about taking him to a border and care actually.

May I ask what type of cancer your dad has?

Annnd my uncle just died. Like an hour ago.

Wait what. That's just out of no where. My condolences man.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

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Over 1 Year ago
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thanks CZM, I really appreciate it

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

Hugs, y'all (if you want them, and if so I'm told I give good hug).

ShadowFox08, I hope things go as peacefully and smoothly as they can. I hope you can find something like music of a specific kind to help you through (butlike separate enough or with enough connections elsewhere in your life to where it won't Pavlovinate you down the road, I reckon).

For me, an introverty extrovert, it's friends and loves and (sometimes) family who help me get through. I can't think well inside my head, it's better when I can bounce my thoughts off others. I say that bc rn this place, you very people, are helping me. And I hope I and we can help you.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

Thanks Tek.

update on my dad: My dad is going to pass away soon. Maybe later tonight or tomorrow. His health decreased dramatically since Wednesday. By Thursday evening, he couldn't walk, control his bowel movements and further lost his comprehension and ability to speak. He hasn't been able to swallow, drink or eat anything since. Just been sleeping and partily opening his eyes every now and then. He's been on hospice since Friday. I got a bunch of family they came today to pay their respects.

really feels like a gut punch to the stomach and mind. I wasn't prepared. Nobody ever was.

Please, please take care of your loved ones. Especially ones who were there for you. Nobody lives forever. Create as many memories as you can with them and spend time with them as much possible.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

Shadow... please be with him. When he stops eating/drinking, those are his final days. Comfort him, let him know you'll be alright.

Over 1 Year ago
mariomguy

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Over 1 Year ago
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I recently read a hospice nurse reporting on the three most commonly expressed regrets of those who were soon about to die.
Unfortunately I remember only the first two.
They were:
1. I put off pursuing my dreams. Now it’s too late.
2. I never told someone I love that I loved them. Now it might be too late.

Sorry I don’t remember the third one.

Over 1 Year ago
chiarizio
 

My aunt and cousins lost their husbo and dad a week ago when my uncle passed. He was 73. HIS dad (my Pop) died at 53. My father checked out at 43.

You never know.

(Also things ending in 3 might be bad for my family.) (Plz laugh at that, is intentional)

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

thank you all since my last reply. Sorry to hear that Tek.

My father passed away last night at 0830pm. I have a lot of mixed emotions. it was torture to see my dad in bed for 4 days without food and water, but yesterday I felt calm leading up to his death. I know the grief comes and goes in waves, and now I'm thinking of my own mortality. I'm currently at a funeral home with family and making arrangements. he will be buried in 2 days.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

double post

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

You're doing good. If you don't mind my saying: try to remember to breathe when you can. I don't mean that figuratively as much as literally. If you're anything like me you're basically holding your breath rn.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

yeah thanks man. will do. everything just feels like a nightmare I can't wake up. things are moving fast with the funeral arrangements. I don't have a lot of pain and anxiety at the moment. I'm calm but dad. Going to wash his body tomorrow with relatives (cultural traditin) and have the funeral tomorrow.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

My best wishes to y'all.

And yeah, that sounds 'normal' to me. Nightmarish wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey-ness.

Over 1 Year ago
Tek Shmansen

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Over 1 Year ago
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Over 1 Year ago
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Sorry guys, haven't checked back since my last post. Can' believe its been 6 weeks already. What's crazy is that yesterday would be the one year anniversary of me picking him up from the hospital after his first surgery to take out the tumor. The week before that was when we took him in to find the tumor. Man my dad didn't even last 11 months... Went from grade 3 anaplastic astrocytoma diagnosis in May to grade 4 in January.

The funeral went fine. Washing his body my relatives and one stranger that was guiding us was weird, but I was calm and accepted it. It's a part of islamic tradition. He looked just like when he passed away. His face looked completely different than when he was alive, it was also tied. I'll never forget how his hands felt. The back of his hands was completely yellow and had a weird texture. But anyway..yeah the funeral went smoothly. I shaked so many freaking hands, even though it was covid and I didn't want to. A lot of people came.

I am shocked how quickly arrangements can be made.

Yeah my father in law really helped out. He has connections. But typically in the Islam tradition (I'm not religious btw), its recommended to bury the dead as fast as possible. Some even recommend a day--which actually did happen to my cousin's father in law who passed away a few weeks after my dad at 96. He died of pneumonia in the hospital, and they literally buried him the day after.

And it takes odd paths. The typical stages of grief that we hear about do not necessarily happen in the order that they might be listed.

It does seem like time becomes more suggestible during things like this, but you will regain stability soon enough.

All of my support to you during this time and for as long as you need it afterward. Take care, don't neglect yourself during this.

I was in shock for about a month, and now it's really just hitting me that he's gone. I've accepted it, but still. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

Dear God, Shadow, I'm so sorry to hear about this. My dad passed in late August of 2014, and I quite literally had to watch him wither away and die in front of me. It was by far the hardest time of my life thus far, made all the harder by the fact that both of his parents were still alive and coherent at that time and they had to bury their firstborn son. My grandpa on that side has since passed, but my Nana now lives in a memory care home with severe dementia which I firmly believe was brought on by my dad's passing. My dad lived to be 59; both of his parents were in their eighties when he died.

Let me tell you, the grief and shock for the first year was almost horrifying. There were times when I was numb to the whole thing, and there were times when it came back to bite me in the ass. The holidays were especially difficult for the first two years. My dad and I were I credibly close, like beyond best friends close, and so it felt like half of my very soul passed away along with him when he died.

The best thing you can do right now is to give it time, take care of yourself, and don't ever be afraid to talk about it, especially with a professional counselor if needed. I'm here for you if you want to talk. Feel free to hit me up on Discord, I tend to be far easier to reach there than here on the site.

Over 1 Year ago
Black Yoshi

@ShadowFox08:
Be prepared to postpone important decisions for at least six months if possible. A full year would be better if possible.
That’s what various “experts on bereavement” advise. I am not an expert.

After that your mental acuity supposedly will have recovered.
Nevertheless you might expect pangs of loss for up to ten years, they say.

After my ex-wife died I still thought of her every day for at least a year. Then I started thinking of her only every few days.

They say losing a parent isn’t as bad as losing a spouse, which in turn isn’t as bad as losing a child.
During that first year I had a nightmare in which I was trying to console my still-living ex-wife over the death of our daughter.
When I awoke from it I realized that, though my ex-wife’s death was still a hard blow, it would have been worse if our daughter had died.

...

I don’t know if any of that is actually going to help you.
But another thing the experts say, to people who want to talk to the bereft, is to say something rather than nothing, even if you’re not sure you’re saying the right thing.

I hope you and your famoly

Over 1 Year ago
chiarizio
 

Thanks Black Yoshi. Yeah my mom doesn't want to do anything for the rest of the year. It's partily cultural, but she doesn't out of of respect fo rmy dad. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad passing away a few years back, as well as your grandpa. Did your dad have cancer also? Thanks for reaching out. I think I'm fine for now, but I'll let you know.

@chairizo. So sorry for your loss man. omg I can't imagine how you feel man with both. Your advice is helpful.thanks




I can't help but think of my dad everyday. I started a new job, a job that was initially going to begin on the day he actually passed away, but i postponed it. On the way to my job is the same way I remember taking him to the hospital who told me the bad news about my dad being diagnosed with glioblastoma back in January. Everyday going to and from work I have to relive that experience and his last visit in march, weeks before he passed. I'm fine now, but still in shock and really sad he passed away.

Again, sorry for replying a month later guys. Sometimes I just come and go for weeks without looking at this thread, while I do post on the gaming forums a bit mroe often.

Over 1 Year ago
ShadowFox08

Thank you for any reply at all, ShadowFox.
I believe you’ll deal with all this better if you do as you’re doing and try to function normally.
I’m no expert but that’s my guess; your bereavement is part of the way the world is now, and your father would want you to have this job, and would want you to remember him.
I feel very unqualified to make any of these guesses but I’m going to anyway.
I encourage you to carry on doing as you are doing.
You have our sympathy.
We wish we could help.

Over 1 Year ago
chiarizio
 

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