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Because we all have fond memories of the years gone by, we might as well bond over it. ♥

What Gametalk Meant to Me

Posted 10 Months ago by Mourning

It is peculiar being back here – well, some form of it, anyways.

I joined Gametalk back in 2004, I believe. I was eleven years old, stuck in the water temple in the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and I stumbled across Gametalk while searching up a walkthrough. Back then I was on AOL Dial-up and as I shifted through Google results, I remember being pressed for time, so when I stumbled across Gametalk and it did not take five minutes to load, I stuck around.

Funny enough, I did not actually find the help I needed. I landed in the “OOT” forum, and back then the front page of a forum was like a waterfall, just constantly moving. Still, I was drawn in by the community, got to chatting with people, and Gametalk quickly became my home.

From “OOT”, I found the “InuYasha Feudal Fairy Tale” forum, then “RPG Chat”, “Pointless”, “Jedi Sith”, and so on.

Initially I went by “Link_GT” and then “Zelda_GT”. Honestly can’t remember if GT was supposed to be “Gametalk” or “Green Tunic”, maybe both simultaneously. In RPG Chat I initially went as “RathTheWolfDemon”, a wholly original character I assure you. Later I changed it to “RathMasterWolf”, maybe to signify the character had grown. He didn’t. Later I played as “LordSesshoumaru***” and various other minor names. But I was probably most well known by the name “Deselena”, a gothic vampire woman that encountered Japanese dragons, elves, and every manner of being on RPG Chat. Eventually I became known as “Desra Lodet” on Jedi Sith – among other characters, but that was probably my most well known. I was also “Morrigan” on some of the post-Mike Gametalks (briefly a moderator on GTRestoration and GTX0).

As it turns out, I was a little boy struggling with his gender identity. I was also a little boy from an immensely abusive household, and God, I struggled with who I was. As a result of my father’s abuse, I was isolated and cut off from any extended family. I didn’t know anything about my ancestors (even as recent as my great-grandparents), where I came from, my culture – anything at all, really. I had nothing to cling to as an identity.

So, I became a chronic liar. I told people I was a girl, that I was older than I was, presented different names, claimed I was born where I wasn’t, and so on. I was desperately seeking some sort of identity for myself. After a few years, well before I eventually departed Gametalk, I knew what I was doing was wrong. But I felt trapped in a web of lies. Coming clean or abandoning them entirely meant giving up all the friends I had made on site. And it was you people that made surviving my childhood possible, so, I felt as if I couldn’t. I tried a few times – but each time I did, I was back at square one, alone and isolated, and I always eventually went back to my fake identity.

As the years passed and voice chat / video chat was slowly becoming a thing, well, the inevitable happened. Someone finally called me out on my obviously false identity. By that point I knew it was over, though it was bittersweet. I was relieved to finally be forced into a situation where I could discard all the lies, but I knew it meant that I would leave Gametalk and abandon all the friends I had made. Although I was still pretty young then, so, I at least thought that is what it meant.

An older me knows I probably could have just taken the hit, been honest with my friends, let them decide whether to keep being my friend, and re-join the community free of those deceptions. Regardless, it needed to happen, because Gametalk had become so much more important to me than I would have ever guessed, and it was all just constantly weighing down on me. I have lurked over the years, I guess just checking up on a place that once meant so much to me, but I never considered rejoining for a variety of reasons.

Since then, my mother and I ran away from my father, who has since given up and otherwise vanished from my life. My mother however passed away a few years ago from breast cancer. I managed to go to University and graduate with my Honours Bachelors and now I work in provincial government. I have also been in therapy throughout my life, working through my childhood experiences – not that I am “all better”, but it has been a long journey to be as well adjusted as I am today.

I am now 28 years old – turning 29 in December – a cisgendered male, Canadian, who is still very much into video games, science fiction, roleplaying (now via Dungeons & Dragons 5e, Pathfinder 2e, etc.), University graduate, and currently employed in government.

I am sorry to anyone that I hurt, abandoned, and/or lied to over the years.

Not entirely sure what I hope to get out of this, maybe it is more for me than anything else, but I was struck by the clean slate aspect of this version of Gametalk. Not that he will ever see it, but I’d like to thank original Gametalk Mike for giving a troubled kid a place to essentially grow up. I would also like to thank Thesus (GTRestoration) and Xhin (GTX0) for giving that same troubled kid a place to mature.

I do hope that this current iteration of the site can mean just as much to someone else. I wish you all the luck in this endeavour Weird Occurrence and Lord Denida.

There are 15 Replies


Hey whoa, I remember you!! I always thought Deselena was too cool to RP with me...and I figured Desra Lodet might be related, but I didn't spend *that* much time on J/S.

I'm Aeris, altho around the time you were on RPG chat you probably saw some version of Onyx, Korin & Jade, Cipher Infernus (lmao), Damien Infernus or Ssivah D'Ap'za. I do seem to remember you disappearing suddenly for lengths of time but I figured cool old ladies just did that on account of adult responsibilities.

God, I'm sorry you were going through that. I had no idea your home life was that bad...I'm glad you and your mom were able to get away. It sounds like you're in a better spot, now.

10 Months ago
flying (b)aeris

Well, my interaction with you back in original GT was limited, but this was a good post you made. I hope you are in a better place now, and as the name implies, GT For All is for well, all.

Thank you for sharing and for the good luck.

¤LðŗРУŋįd@¤

10 Months ago
Lord Denida

(No idea how I accidentally posted that blank one lol!)

So sorry to hear about all that, you were very skilled at hiding it. I am glad you've managed find a place in life where you're safer, happier and doing well!

I am sorry to anyone that I hurt, abandoned, and/or lied to over the years.


It's no worry, you clearly had a lot going on. I think a lot of people would've done the same, or even worse, if put in the same circumstances.

I don't really have much contact with the vast majority of the Jedi Sith oldies anymore, but if you ever feel like chatting or reminiscing about the old days on the site then I am on Discord: Moonray#6107

(This is Redack btw, can't remember if I ever used this username while you were still around).

10 Months ago
Moonray

(No idea how I accidentally posted that blank one lol!)


Took care of that one.

¤LðŗРУŋįd@¤

10 Months ago
Lord Denida

I'm Aeris, altho around the time you were on RPG chat you probably saw some version of Onyx, Korin & Jade, Cipher Infernus (lmao), Damien Infernus or Ssivah D'Ap'za. I do seem to remember you disappearing suddenly for lengths of time but I figured cool old ladies just did that on account of adult responsibilities.


I do remember you! I am most familiar with "Onyx" and "Ssivah D'Ap'za", although it is pretty likely I at least saw your other aliases around. It's been so long I can barely remember my own aliases, let alone most other's.

Shame we didn't get a chance to roleplay all those years ago. RPG Chat was great while it lasted.

God, I'm sorry you were going through that. I had no idea your home life was that bad...I'm glad you and your mom were able to get away. It sounds like you're in a better spot, now.


I appreciate the sentiment. Gametalk was very much my safe haven from my home life. A place where I could pretend my life, and myself, was completely different.

But yes, definitely in a better place nowadays.

Hope things are going well for you!

Well, my interaction with you back in original GT was limited, but this was a good post you made. I hope you are in a better place now, and as the name implies, GT For All is for well, all.


That it was. I was never a 'regular' in Pointless, nor was I ever a 'troublemaker', so we had few opportunities to interact. I largely stopped by the forum to chat here and there.

I am glad you've managed find a place in life where you're safer, happier and doing well! ... It's no worry, you clearly had a lot going on. I think a lot of people would've done the same, or even worse, if put in the same circumstances.


I appreciate it. I remember that you were definitely one of those friends I enjoyed frequently chatting with (and playing Left 4 Dead 2 with, now that I recall). Though being on 'opposing' sides, we never had too much opportunity to roleplay together outside of duels.

I say opposing, hah, but Desra Lodet was a pretty crap Jedi. Might as well have just been a Dark Jedi.

if you ever feel like chatting or reminiscing about the old days on the site then I am on Discord


I think I will! Thanks.

10 Months ago
Mourning

That it was. I was never a 'regular' in Pointless, nor was I ever a 'troublemaker', so we had few opportunities to interact. I largely stopped by the forum to chat here and there.



Do have one small note on you in my 'pointless' file from back then lol

If you decide to stay I hope you enjoy it here though.

¤LðŗРУŋįd@¤

10 Months ago
Lord Denida

Welcome! I’m glad the clean slate policy resonated with you. I didn’t really know you back on orig GT or GTX0, but it sounds like you came to terms with things that have troubled you over the years. I used to be very into Zelda, but frequented the Pokémon boards on GT instead of Zelda, where I only lurked intermittently.

We’re glad to have you here and it looks like quite a few people recognize your names, which is certainly very cool.

With your interests, maybe you can contribute to the worldbuilding forum - we’ve been looking for traction there!
Whether you contribute there or elsewhere, welcome to the community. I appreciate you checking this place out and being open about your GT past. Thank you. <3 I hope you’ll hang around a bit and feel free to check out the discord linked in the social media section of the site footer.

¤¤♅êîrÐ Øccu®@n瀤¤

10 Months ago
Weird Occurance

Do have one small note on you in my 'pointless' file from back then lol




Hah! I cannot recall at all what that may have been, but it was undoubtedly deserved. I could be an immature kid all the same.


If you decide to stay I hope you enjoy it here though.


Thank you.

We’re glad to have you here ... With your interests, maybe you can contribute to the worldbuilding forum - we’ve been looking for traction there!


I may do that! I appreciate the invitation.

And thank you for the kind words.

10 Months ago
Mourning

Hey, good to see you again! We used to talk a decent amount on MSN/AIM/whatever-it-was, if you want to talk again I'm sometimes on Discord as Xhin#7868

10 Months ago
Xhin
Sky's the limit

I remember the name Morrigan. I think you left the GTx0 staff around the time I was first hired. Good to hear from you again, and it's great to you able to get some form of closure from the Hell you lived through.

10 Months ago
Aurelian
Fire Lion
Thunder Lion

Hey, good to see you again! We used to talk a decent amount on MSN/AIM/whatever-it-was, if you want to talk again I'm sometimes on Discord ...


Will do so!

I remember the name Morrigan. I think you left the GTx0 staff around the time I was first hired ...


I appreciate the thought!

10 Months ago
Mourning

Deselena?! Rath?! Holy damn, it's been a long time! So glad to see you again, you've been missed.
I'm glad to hear your situation has improved, and glad to hear you've made peace with who you are. If you're doing the discord thing and ever want to catch up- inkblotbrain#6989

10 Months ago
Learna

Deselena?! Rath?! Holy damn, it's been a long time! So glad to see you again, you've been missed. I'm glad to hear your situation has improved, and glad to hear you've made peace with who you are. If you're doing the discord thing and ever want to catch up-


Added you! It has been forever! You were always one of those people in RPG Chat that I just adored writing with.

10 Months ago
Mourning

FYI this is Clarkey, Sin, Gabriel, Taun, others I'm probably forgetting...

Man it's great to hear from you Desra. It's honestly so great to hear from you again. I'll never forget the time you gave me to introduce me to the JS community and train my character Gabriel. I had so many great memories there and they really all started with you so I'm glad I get the opportunity to thank you again. The fact you 'lied' about your identity means nothing to me. I understand the reasons and importance it holds for you though and I'm sorry you went through all of that without being able to share it. You certainly shouldn't feel bad for 'lying' about your identity. Weirdly Gametalk itself has always encouraged a kind of culture of anonymity with the ease of which users could create accounts. This lead to RPG Chat/JS feeling a little like the wild west of character creation where people would regularly create fake identities to drive plot or infiltrate other gangs and such. They were all good times. I know it's not the same situation but I guess I just wanted to add that context.


@Ssivah D'Ap'za - Also great to see your name! I remember I think I recruited you for the Morag Tong assassins guild or had it changed names by that point... either way good to see you!


@Jeni - great to see you too :D

10 Months ago
Clarkey forgot pass

I'll never forget the time you gave me to introduce me to the JS community and train my character Gabriel. I had so many great memories there and they really all started with you so I'm glad I get the opportunity to thank you again.


I definitely remember you fondly. You were one of my favourite 'padawans' on the forum!

... This lead to RPG Chat/JS feeling a little like the wild west of character creation where people would regularly create fake identities to drive plot or infiltrate other gangs and such. They were all good times. I know it's not the same situation but I guess I just wanted to add that context.


I appreciate the sentiment, thank you. I recall that happening quite a few times and it was always such an exciting moment when someone got their big reveal off. The Vong reveal by... Helius (or one of his characters), I think, being one of the most memorable.

10 Months ago
Mourning

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